The House That Merce Built

Twenty years ago, I was awarded a scholarship to study in the Professional Training Program of the Merce Cunningham Studio in New York City. I had been in New York for about nine months, and a friend at the restaurant where I worked suggested that I check out the studio. Since I had primarily trained in ballet prior to that, and because my friend knew someone in the company, he thought it might be a good fit for me--Cunningham's technique is, in part, based in ballet. Not long after I started taking classes there, I decided to try for a scholarship.

The audition was, well, like an audition. Which is to say it was like taking a dance class, only we had paper numbers on our backs. Merce was there, but he wasn't obviously paying attention. In fact, he did something that looked like balancing his checkbook at a small table in the back of the studio, while we were trying to impress him. Somehow, though, he must have found out what he needed to know--I have a vivid memory of taking the elevator up to the 11th floor of the Westbeth building to look at the list later that afternoon. My name was on it! Thus began two rich years where dance was the center of my universe, in the dance center of the planet Earth.

Here is the part where I would love to tell you about the beers I shared with Merce, how he became a mentor, how we stayed in touch until his death last week. All of that would be a big lie. Merce and I were at various functions at the same time--performances, fundraisers, we'd even ride in the elevator together on occasion. And he definitely knew who I was, and once sponsored me in a dance-a-thon I did for a local AIDS charity. And at the tail end of my time there, I even got to take his class. But Merce was busy being a world famous choreographer, and I was one of what must be thousands of students to come through his studio over the years.

But what I did get was the house that Merce built. I received a scholarship, a Pell Grant, and a work/study position in his film/video archive, three very welcome things that made it possible for me to both pursue my passion and live indoors. I was expected to take class six times a week--and I could not be late!--in the gorgeous studio in the West Village, lined on each side with windows. Until I die, I will remember the sensations of my bare feet on that fine, smooth wood floor, the click-click of the teacher/human beat box' rhythms as he/she demonstrated a combination, and the sweaty thrill of dancing to live drummers and musicians. I could go into a long list of the folks I trained with and from--some of the finest dancers and teachers anywhere. I soaked up Cunningham's choreography in day-long repertory workshops each quarter. And I watched tons of videos of his work in my 9-hr a week job on the 2nd floor, when I was supposed to be just duplicating VHS tapes.

My time at the Cunningham Studio provided me a dance home in New York and entree to a world that deeply affected my heart and sensibilities. Not only did I get to see Cunningham's amazing dancers, I was also swept into performances, in the Cunningham Studio and off the beaten track around town--spaces that might be living lofts by day and impromptu concert halls by night, spaces where ordinary dancers like me, from around the world, combined movement, words, music and/or film in delightful ways I had never imagined.

I never did get into Cunningham's company like I had hoped, but I had a great time trying. The Studio was a place of work, of discipline, of trying things, of seeing what happens, and of letting go of what happens. During my time there, I got to push through being an intermediate level dancer and reach an exciting command of my physicality. I got to see how professional dancers approach a phrase--it turns out that they just start somewhere and dive in! I grew half an inch while I was there (literally!), and I learned, during the spine bending warmup exercises that are repeated in each and every Cunningham class, to pop my sternum, a feat that still confounds. Best of all, I got to see Merce come to the studio, every day--even as arthritis slowed his pace--to make dances. I have carried that image, and I believe, a little bit of his spirit, into every endeavor I have undertaken since. I am extremely grateful for that amazing gift.

A Personal Renewal Group for Mothers (and Other Artists)

"Courting the Muse!"
Starts Tuesday July 28th, 2009
Creativity coaching group. Facilitated by Austin singer/songwriter Tricia Mitchell.

• Do you want to feel more connected--to yourself, your art, and to others?
• Are you craving the support and structure that will enable you to move to "the next level" as an artist?
• Would you like to learn how to nurture your physical, emotional and spiritual well-being--so you can be at your creative best?
• Are you interested in new ideas for self-renewal and life balance?

Topics Include

• "The Transformative Power of Self-Care" (on a physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional level)
• "Your Identity As An Artist"
• "You and Your Crazy Dreams!"
• "Inspiring the Work Space"
• "The Inner Play Space (for Kids of All Ages)"
• "Managing Your Energy: Setting Priorities, Saying 'No,' and Asking for Help"
• "Treasuring Your Obscurity"
• "The Power of Flow"
  

Feedback About Tricia:
-"Brings great focus, reverence, clarity and humor to the process, while she lovingly guides the meetings and the follow up." -Liz B.
-"Knowledgeable about both the systems and the attitude that I need to succeed." -Donna R.
-"Packed a tremendous amount of rich material, reflection, and sharing into a short time without giving any impression of rushing." -Deb. P.
-"Every time I walk away from a meeting, I have a spring in my step and AT LEAST one new idea I want to pursue or ruminate upon." -Risa F.
-"If you want to cry less and laugh more, run--don't walk--to Tricia's next PRG!" -Kara S.


About the Facilitator:
Tricia Mitchell is a mother, a singer/songwriter, dancer, and writer, and a Renee Trudeau & Associates-trained Personal Renewal Group (PRG) facilitator. Her approach is appreciative, motivating, and filled with humor. She has an MBA from Rice University and lives in East Austin with her husband, two young children, and a Labrador Retriever.


To Learn More or to Register:
Begins July 28th, meeting every other Tuesday evening for twelve weeks, at Armstrong Community Music School at Austin Lyric Opera, 901 Barton Springs Rd., 7-9 p.m. For info or to register, e-mail Tricia at pigtailrecords@yahoo.com or call (512) 940-4027. Cost: $180 for 6 meetings (includes e-mail support/reminders between meetings). Registration is on a first-come, first-served basis; group size is limited to twelve participants.

Decide

At our last PRG meeting, we talked a lot about deciding. It's something I'm really into right now. I used to really agonize over things, and now, especially as a mom, I find it so freeing to "just decide." Did you know that the origin of the word "decide" is "to cut"? When we decide, we take leadership over our future, by cutting off some of the possibilities. It's powerful stuff.

Of course there are good things and bad things about any choice. Of course we always have limited and imperfect information. What I like about deciding is how good it feels to choose as best I can, know it won't be perfect either way, and vow that I will live with the choice I made, whatever it brings. When I was a kid, my dad always made these cracks about what a drag it was to have adult responsibilities. I have been surprised at how much I really enjoy being an adult, being the captain of my ship, getting to try things and see how they go. It's not so bad, and in most ways it beats the heck out of being dependent.

When the husband and I were on the fence about having another kid, he kept coming back and asking me increasingly strange questions...about what if the baby had a disability, what if we struggle financially, what if I went back to work, what if this, what if that. After awhile, I said, "you know, it seems like you might not want to have another child. And if you don't want to have another child, for sure I do not want to have another child. So let's just decide! Let's be happy with the two beautiful children we already have. We're grown ups--so let's just say that we're not going to have any more kids. Sure, there may be times when we feel wistful and wish we had another, but there will also be many times we're glad we didn't take that on."

That was such a great experience, and we were both immediately relieved. Then I got to start thinking about the next part of my life, post-mom-of-young-kids, which gave me this great surge of energy. I hadn't realized how much of my energy was caught up in not knowing whether I would be prolonging this intense and exhausting stage of my life even longer. Now I think that not knowing and being in limbo actually use up tremendous amounts of energy, way more than dealing with the fallout of any particular choice does. Carrie Contey, Ph.D., my favorite parenting coach, concurred with me that deciding is great role modeling for my kids. It teaches them that they can choose, without a lot of waffling or wailing and gnashing. I'm one of those people who believes that we really do know what the right choice is, if only we will listen to ourselves and own the responsibility of making the cut.

Churning the Universe

You may be asking yourself the following questions about the past couple of weeks:

1. Tricia, why did Howard Thompson begin playing your song "Girlfriend of the Band" on his internet radio show, North Fork Sound this week?

2. Why did David Hooper recently play your music on the "Demo Derby" portion of his marvelous radio show, Music Business Radio? (I haven't heard it yet, and I can't even tell you which episode it's on, but it's due to air soon).

3. Why is Sara Hickman's version of your song, "Learn You Like a Book" in a voting contest (details below)?

4. Why all this, so all-of-a-sudden, in the last two weeks, when you're not performing live or actively promoting your old, old, CD, "Purple Room"?


It's simple. I have begun a self-imposed singer/songwriter boot camp, and I am churning the universe, from the inside out.

I have hired a coach. I have a new guitar teacher, we're meeting twice a month. I have resumed piano lessons. I'm still with my same voice teacher I've been with for almost five years. I am practicing like a little someone-or-other who practices a lot. I'm taking on my personal demons, summoning my inner hero, and shining up my goals and direction. I've connected with a version of myself who lives 20 years in the future, and you know what she told me? "You're going to have so much fun not being so creatively pent up anymore!" I even bought a new music stand--it's shiny and red. I'm busting through, come hell or high water.

For real. All that inner stuff, and then this outer stuff pops up, no less than two weeks later. Awesome, huh?

So go vote for my song! You can vote once a day through May 30th.

1. Go to: Hoss the Boss
2. Scroll down to "Sara Hickman, 'Learn You Like a Book'"
3. Check the box
4. Click on VOTE!

Thank you! (we're in first place right now!)

Every Mom Needs A Copy ...

FREE MOTHER’S DAY BOOK DOWNLOAD ($20 value)

Download a free copy of national life balance expert Renee Trudeau’s award winning The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate and Re-Balance Your Life for 48 hours: May 8th-May 10th.

www.mothersguidetoselfrenewal.com

I can't say how much I love this beautiful and powerful book! It has contributed greatly to my peace, happiness, and ability to be a balanced role model for my kids. I am currently leading a self-care group for moms based on this book.

Download it today! Thank me later! (You deserve it.)

Happy Mother's Day!

To Wake Up Inspired...

This is a brilliant video/song by Tanya Davis, from Halifax.

Thanks to Kathie Sever, who posted this on her blog.

It's just so perfect, everyone needs to see it.

And big kudos to me, for figuring out how to embed a video in my blog! La la la la la..... :)

TOP 10 Reasons Why You Should Love Brad Paisley As I Do

Now it is time to write my long-awaited reflections on seeing Brad Paisley perform at the Frank Erwin Center. I have received hundreds of comments from faithful blog readers since I posted my musings on Darius Rucker's show. The people, they want to know: How was he?

All I can say is that I believe everyone should be a fan of Brad Paisley. I am afraid some of you-- namely my Yankee friends, my really cool liberal friends, and some of my other friends who aren't keen on country music--won't even check him out. On the surface, he probably comes across like any other skinny, little white guy who sings with a southern accent.

When I have these fears (and this is part of what has taken me so long to write about this), I get a little frustrated. I'm just so sad for y'all.



My TOP 10 Reasons Why You Should Love Brad Paisley As I Do:


10. He just won two Grammys and is nominated for six American Country Music awards, including Entertainer of the Year. 10 million albums sold. Thirteen #1 hits.


9. If you're a dude, Brad Paisley should be your role model. You should admire him because he is SO grounded in the things he loves in life. It's not that he's not into chicks--he is (just check out "Ticks")--but not so much that's he's gonna give up going fishing or playing his guitar. He's not the one writing these pathetic, co-dependent, "I'm gonna die without you" songs. (Well, except for "Whisky Lullabye." but that song is SO over the top, with the double suicide and all. You know better than to try that at home).


8. If you're a woman, you should want to be/be with a guy like Brad. See #9. Women, believe me, you want a guy who's grounded in the things he loves in life. And most importantly, you should ground yourself in the things you love.


7. He is a great songwriter. His songs are catchy, and usually funny, and smart. We all need more catchy, funny, smart songs. Do yourself a favor and go watch "Letter to Me" and see if your heart is unmoved.


6. At his Austin show, even though he's a big fancy famous guy, he brought out locals Ray Benson and Redd Volkaert. How cool!


5. He did this crazy thing where Alison Krauss appeared on stage with him in a hologram. Spooky!


4. He showed this amazing and fun little animated movie that he made, featuring delightful caricatures of his band, The Drama Kings. Like he doesn't have enough to do, between being a great songwriter, an amazing guitarist, touring all over, being married to that actress from the "Father of the Bride" movies, and being a dad. He's just gotta bring it home to the fans.


3. He respects his elders. Brad is a guy who reveres the traditions and teachings of those who came before him. His new CD, "Play," features many of his heroes, folks like B.B. King, Albert Lee, James Burton, Buck Owens, Steve Wariner, and Vince Gill. And oh my God, speaking of elders: have you seen that video with Andy Griffith, for "Waitin' on a Woman"?


2. He is a complete badass on the guitar. I call him "BrAD-ASS"! If you have any doubts that this statement is true, go buy or download his new guitar record, "Play." Thank me later. Any dudes who didn't make him their role model after reading #9 above, should do so after listening to this CD.

Here's what Brad Paisley he says about his new CD:

"This album is my love affair with the guitar. When I was eight I got a gift from my grandpa. No coincidence that around that time I also got an identity. See, no matter how I have changed, learned and evolved as a person, the guitar has been a major part of it, and really the only constant. A crutch, a shrink, a friend, love interest, parachute, flying machine, soapbox, canvas, liability, investment, jackpot, tease, a sage, a gateway, an addiction, a recovery, a temptress, a church, a voice, veil, armor, and lifeline. My grandpa knew it could be many of these things for me, but mostly he just wanted me to never be alone. He said if I learned to play, anything would be manageable, and life would be richer. You can get through some real tough moments with that guitar on your knee. When life gets intense, there are people who drink, who seek counseling, eat, or watch TV, pray, cry, sleep, and so on.

I play."


1. If you are a human, you ought to like Brad Paisley. He comes across as a very successful, multi-talented, down-to-Earth, super nice guy who gets to do what he loves for a living. And he's at all shy about expressing his gratitude about that.





(Brad, I do have to say that I will not be watching the ACM awards on Sunday night. I'll be taking my husband to see Bruce Springsteen, at your joint, the Frank Erwin Center. I guess this is my year of big arena shows.)

Got Cracks?

As in, spaces one might fall through?

Sometimes really suddenly, so that your life completely changes?

Do me a favor, and head on over to some websites for me:

Start by clicking on the photo of the cute baby on the upper right side of my blog.

You'll meet Ike, a 10-lb baby who is doing time in the pediatric intensive care unit at Dell Children's Hospital. He was born something like 15 weeks premature last fall. Lately, he's been making a strange wheezy sound when he breathes, and then, more recently, he caught a virus that made it almost impossible for him to breathe.

His mom is a wonderful writer who also has two other kids. Check out her blog, too, especially if you like witnessing someone who can go through a pretty horrific set of events and remain funny, tender, smart, and tough. After you check out her blog, go buy her book, Haiku Mama, from Amazon. Makes a great baby shower gift!

Ike's dad's whole department was laid off last week. Very unexpectedly. They have COBRA coverage, but it's expensive.

Everyone knows that the "current economy" is not in the best of shape. You may be hearing about people losing their jobs, homes, etc. This particular family is caught in the midst of that. Their community is stepping up in a major and very inspiring way, and I invite you to step up, too. Ike's website lists some upcoming fundraising events. Please attend, and give generously. And regardless of whether you attend, or whether you give, please keep this family in your thoughts and prayers.

Personal Renewal Group for Mothers

Do you want to feel more connected—to yourself and others?

Are you craving community with like-minded women?

Would you like to learn how to nurture your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being--so you can be at your best for your family?

Are you interested in new ideas for self-renewal and life balance?


You are invited to join a Personal Renewal Group (PRG)—a life coaching group for women at all life stages, based on the award-winning new release The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate, and Re-Balance Your Life, by nationally recognized career/life balance coach Renee Trudeau.

Facilitated by good old me, Tricia Mitchell.

Topics for the 2009 Personal Renewal Group may include:
“The Transformative Power of Self-Care” (on a physical, mental, spiritual and emotional level)
“Motherhood and Identity: Reconnecting with Who You Are”
“Good Is Good Enough: A Mother’s Mantra”
“Motherhood as a Spiritual Journey”
“Outrageous Living: Reclaiming Adventure in Your Life”
“Strategies for Life Balance”
“Managing Your Energy: Setting Priorities, Saying No and Asking for Help”

Feedback from 2003-06 Personal Renewal Group Participants:
“I love the powerful, deep nature of this work, it has made a huge difference in my life.” -Susan
“I was concerned about spending $ because our budget is really tight. Wow, am I glad I decided to do PRG. This has been a truly meaningful and life-changing experience for me.” -Kristan
“The open, safe environment for sharing was amazing. I’ve never seen anything like it. I felt comfortable to say anything.” -Maria
“The exercises on saying “no” (boundaries), setting intentions and managing our energy were profound.” -Janet

For info or to register, e-mail Tricia at pigtailrecords@yahoo.com.
Cost: $200 for 12-month program (includes 12 morning workshops, e-mail support/reminders between meetings and a copy of The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal). Meetings will take place at my house in East Austin, on the fourth Monday of each month beginning MARCH 23rd*, from 9:30-11:30 a.m. Registration is on a first-come, first-served basis; group size is limited to ten participants.



(*this is a revised start date, as of 2/17/09)

The Amazing, Invisible Mama!

She was having a hard time. She was the mom of a 5 month old baby, and for the first time in a very long time, she wasn't sure that her work, her life, was valuable enough. This mama, who I will call Mama (actually, it is her real name!), posted on one of my favorite listservs, and I immediately knew I had to respond.

Here's part of her post:

"I have been struggling with the idea of my identity now that I am not working and letting my husband support me...I have always had female role models that worked and worked hard outside of the home. I don't really want that for myself (I think)...I know that I am working hard as a mom, but it just seems unfair for him that he has to be gone and at work so that we have the
luxury of having a family. Is this just the way it works and I need to get used to it? Seems so
domestic role-ish, which is not how I pictured my life being going into my thirties."


Here's what I told her. Some folks said they liked my response a lot, and the truth is, I liked it! So here you go, faithful blog readers:


Dear Mama,

I can totally relate to your struggle.I have a 5 y/o son and a 2 y/o daughter. I have been working for $ since I was a teenager and I really miss bringing home a paycheck for my work. I have been a full-time working mom and a part-timer work-at-home mom, and my
feeling is that, if you have kids, you always feel like a giant piece of taffy somehow.

The one thing I wanted to tell you is to be kind to yourself. Becoming a mom is a huge journey. Those tensions will keep...they're not going anywhere and you will both have time to reflect upon them and also relax into them as time goes on. Some days you will feel like a freeloader, other days like a complete badass who makes the world turn! I have a feeling that when it's time to go back to work, you will know it, and you will know what the right next step is.

You should know about about Marilyn Waring, who in the 1970s was elected to the New Zealand Parliament at the age of 22. She went on to work on a budgetary committee, in which capacity she learned all about the ways that countries calculate metrics like GDP and GNP. She
discovered that, all across the planet Earth, women's work is invisible, in an economic sense. She wrote some books, including one called, "If Women Counted," and she's now a public policy professor.

I bring this up because sometimes I feel like my work doesn't count, like I've fallen off the map of life somehow, because I don't go to a "job," and because my "customers" ignore and/or scream at me a lot. Because my work involves being patient and often, sitting on the floor, one could imagine that I eat bon bons all day. Though in reality, I work my tail off.

If you feel this way too, you have good reasons! A woman can work hard, producing goods, i.e., children who will become productive members of society, and performing services, like taking care of family members, helping neighbors, running the PTA, etc., and yet at the end of her life, she may be seen as a drain on the system because all of that work doesn't "count." I had a friend who had to go work at her husband's store so she could rack up some $ toward her Social
Security, because "all" she had done before that was raise three kids!

It's a crazy planet, this Earth! Our society is a giant funny mirror! We're all mixed up!

I loved reading the book "Parenting for a Peaceful World," by Dr. Robin Grille. Grille argues that, throughout history, every advancement in democracy, social justice, and better treatment of the
environment has been preceded by an improvement in the treatment of children. Reading this book reassured me, beyond doubt, that the work we do as parents is the most important work of all in the grand scheme.

I recommend that you spend some time thinking and maybe journaling about what would make you feel that your days are productive enough to "count." Especially since it doesn't seem like it's your DH who is complaining. You get to decide what "enough" looks like! You are the one who gets to find a million bucks in the smile of your little cutie-booty.

"Some Rules and Hints for Students and Teachers," by John Cage

Rule 1: Find a place you trust, and then, try trusting it for awhile.

Rule 2: (General duties as a student) Pull everything out of your teacher. Pull everything out of your fellow students.

Rule 3: (General duties as a teacher) Pull everything out of your students.

Rule 4: Consider everything an experiment.

Rule 5: Be self disciplined. This means finding someone wise or smart and choosing to follow them. To be disciplined is to follow in a good way. To be self disciplined is to follow in a better way.

Rule 6: Follow the leader. Nothing is a mistake. There is no win and no fail. There is only make.

Rule 7: The only rule is work. If you work it will lead to something. It is the people who do all the work all the time who eventually catch onto things. You can fool the fans--but not the players.

Rule 8: Do not try to create and analyze at the same time. They are different processes.

Rule 9: Be happy whenever you can manage it. Enjoy yourself. It is lighter than you think.

Rule 10: We are breaking all the rules, even our own rules and how do we do that? By leaving plenty of room for "x" qualities.

Helpful Hints:

• Always be around.
• Come or go to everything.
• Always go to classes.
• Read everything you can get your hands on.
• Look at movies carefully and often.
• SAVE EVERYTHING. It may come in handy later.
  

Darius Rucker at the Frank Erwin Center

I am trying to decide which melted substance is most similar to Darius Rucker's voice. Butter is too thin (although properly yummy) and it's not deep and dark enough. Something like warmed up Hershey's syrup would come close--but not close enough. Really, don't settle for Hershey's. Make your own sauce--a dark chocolate sauce that isn't too sweet, whose flavors have taken awhile to meld together, one that is smooth and makes your taste buds want to keep hitting the "rewind" button so they can feel it all over again. That is how your ears and heart will feel while they listen to Darius Rucker sing in person.

I will write about Brad Paisley later. Today's post is all about Darius.

First of all, thank God Rucker is now making country music. As a Texan, a singer/songwriter, and a fan, I love country music. Lots of kinds of music are great, but country is where the best and most real songs are. I'm grateful that Rucker is making music at all, because it's been way too long since I've heard from him. And finally, thank God that Rucker gets to have a chance to get out from under being called "Hootie."

I was still roaming the massive Frank Erwin Center during the first song, so I missed a bit. I think he played about a 25-minute set. He has the vibe of being simply a great and very experienced entertainer, grabbing each song and jumping inside of it, sometimes giving a brief introduction that helps the audience connect with it, always using his body, face, and gestures to get his point across. I got to witness this huge presence on stage, and I wondered about what exactly that mystery element is, why he's so easy and fun to watch. I especially wondered about this during Dierks Bentley's set afterward--I liked it, and Bentley certainly works his tail off, but he didn't fascinate me the way Rucker does. And then, oh then, there is that voice--oozy, flowy, like melted chocolate. Even on the songs I hadn't heard before, I could hear every note, every word, from up in my nosebleed section seat. I thought about something my voice teacher, Liz Cass, says about how good technique enables a singer to convey much deeper levels of emotion.

I loved hearing Rucker's hit, "Don't Think I Don't Think About It," as well as "It Won't Be Like This for Long," and his rousing cover of Hank Jr.'s "Family Tradition." But the chocolate ran the thickest during his country tinged acoustic rendition of "Let Her Cry," his hit from the old days. Hearing it again made me appreciate what a great song it was and is.

So Darius, since I know you're a devoted reader of my blog, here's my recap of your show:
1. I'm happy I had the chance to hear you sing in person.
2. You inspire me to keep working on my singing.
3. I wish your set had been longer.
4. You'll be getting some iTunes royalties from me and my iPod.
5. I am really looking forward to hearing more.

Rappeling, With Children

You were calling out to me all day today
Down there, all mushy on your bed,
you invited me to join you.
A school holiday, eight or so long hours, with my creations.
I was ready with structure--
square meals, nap, fresh air, and video
--so it's not like I was unprepared.
Yet still
there were moments where they tag-teamed me,
an odd little pair of stalkers:
"Mommy, mommy,"
pecked to death by ducks,
Before I can answer one, the other comes up
If make the taco, it should have been the hard-boiled egg,
I say, "use your strong voice" when I hear
Just how betraying each failure feels,
I say, "I will, as soon as I finish this,"
I say, "I need you to listen to my words"
who knows how many times?
And on a day--like today--when I'm not on top of my game,
When my composure is cracked and certain
adult critical voices can and do intrude,
when they are no longer cute,
when all of that need wants only to gobble me up,
when I have grown shadowy and thin,
and yearn for invisibility.
And there, there, is where I find you.
You, supine and resigned, call to me with your creepy smile,
a part of me, I think they're called mirror neurons?
Rappels down
While the rest of me stays.
I begin to believe that I could or should
be doing all of this perfectly, and am not
Yet I perform the most amazing feat anyway:
I am present, responsive, full of spine.
"Be like an oak tree," a friend says,
I remember this and do my best to seem oaky
whatever that means,
I muster a smile, a nod, a comment
that at least sounds like I'm hanging on every word
knowing that
If I can suspend this lie, over time,
for my two self-absorbed yet ever-watchful nubbins,
you, your memories and worldview
unspoken, unexplored, sporadically spooging their way out
you, who feels so small and incapable
who took all the wrong things for yourself
and gave the remainder too freely
will stay down there
and perhaps die a lonely death
while we go outside to play.

From Tricia Mitchell and Terri Fann. . .

Happy Holidays!

This year, Terri Fann and I wrote and recorded a song honoring the person from our youth who represented the spirit of Christmastime. The one who untangled the lights, baked the gingerbread, shopped, swept up crumbs and pine needles, and tucked us in at night. The person who gave us the precious holiday memories we have today.

Now as we pass on the magic of Christmas to our own children, we get the magnitude of that gift!

During the occasional moments of quiet this season, we'd love you to grab a tissue and join us in reflecting on those times, to remember those we love and those who have loved us, and to celebrate the joy of creating holiday magic for today's kids.

Here's Terri's beautiful version of "Me and the Tree". The link will take you to an index page where you can 1) Click "meandthetree.mp3" to listen, or 2) Right-click "meandthetree.mp3", choose "save link as" or "save target as" (depending on your Internet browser) which will allow you to download the song to your computer (for burning your own CD or putting the song on your iPod). This is a free download, and it will be available through the end of the season.

Me and the Tree © December 2008 Tricia Mitchell, BMI, www.triciamitchell.com, Terri Fann, ASCAP, www.terrifann.com. Prod by Marvin Dykhuis, Terri Fann



Merry Christmas!



"What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day." --Phyllis Diller

"The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband."--Joan Rivers.

"Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas."--Johnny Carson.

"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included."--Bernard Manning.

"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph."
--Shirley Temple

"Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall."--Larry Wilde.


"Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful."
--Norman Vincent Peale

The Angels

From the top of a folding table at church,

we picked up two pieces of paper

shaped like angels,

with sticky note paper on the back.

By so doing,

we committed to the purchase of two gifts

for the children of an incarcerated parent.

It seemed simple enough at first.

First we drove, then shopped and chose.

Only as I tenderly folded the creases of the shiny wrapping

and tore the rectangles of tape

did I fully sense my unease.

Who on Earth did we think we were?

What right—and what power, really—did we have

To become a link in this particular chain?

Whose idea was it, to see if total strangers would (or could)

Put together what was certainly broken?

From you, the parent who can’t even guess what your child’s shoe size is,

Who writes on the little angel, “I hope I hear from you soon,”

You, without money to spend or presence to share…

To you, Young One, who has been told God knows what?

How might you make sense of this gesture?

Some hopeless part of us imagines the sneakers or the jacket:

Opened, then thrown casually aside.

I fret for way too long about whether they will see the gift receipts

And know to exchange them if the size is wrong.

I pine for the clue to shape or stature

That could make these items feel personal.

Our minds fill in the blanks with scenes from somewhere:

A mildewy apartment,

a TV that blares too loud,

a Christmas that is more punishing than peaceful.

We want to share our blessings,

To give a burst of delight,

How, without the reminder that our charity signifies a need,

Deep and stupendous,

That extends to the remaining days of the year?

We pray for forgiveness,

For our sins of omission and of commission.

We give up and just give.

What I Don't Understand About American Politics, Part 2

"Supporting the Troops"

Why have the Republicans been allowed to claim that they support the troops and Democrats don't?

Isn't the best support one could provide a rigorous level of discernment about a) when and where we put our armed forces in harm's way, b) clear objectives, and c) a plan for determining the next step, once those objectives have been met?

Are "good" Americans truly supposed to yield to the chief executive officer once Congress gives approval? For how long? How does that jive with the right we're all supposed to have, in a democracy, to demand that our leaders represent our views?

I don't mind that John McCain supported sending troops to Iraq. A lot of people did. We were all deceived about the premises for going there. I also don't mind that McCain spoke up about giving enough resources to the troops so they could do their job.

All I want to know is what the definition of "victory" is at this point, and what happens when we get there. I support the troops by applauding their efforts and also by questioning the success of the mission.

What I Don't Understand About American Politics, Part 1

What's wrong with being a community organizer?

I watched the RNC convention this week, and I heard Rudy Guiliani and Sarah Palin both mock Barack Obama's experience as a community organizer after college.

Shouldn't Republicans, who favor a smaller government, applaud a college graduate who takes on such a job in the private sector?

Here's an article that quotes Obama's boss when he held that position, who says that Obama went on to direct the program. Isn't that "executive" experience?

And if "executive" experience is what a presidential candidate needs, isn't Palin more qualified than McCain, as well?

Big Day Haiku

what a special ache
for a mom, the night before
Kindergarten starts

The Breath of God

Taking a slow, deep breath is like a cool drink of water for the mind.

This came to me this morning in yoga class. I've been thinking about breath a lot lately, in my voice lessons and practice, in yoga, when I meditate, and in certain moments of my life when I realize that I am stressed out and not breathing much. This morning I became mindful of my breath in each posture, as if that breath was the final inner flourish that brought it to life. Sheila, my Saturday morning teacher, even said something to this effect: "When you can take a deep breath, you know you're doing the posture correctly."

No one really knows if you're taking deep breath. You can get through your whole life hanging on to your tension, and you won't go to jail or be shunned by your community. It's really your business, your secret.

After yoga, waiting in a slow moving line at the grocery store, I had another thought: whenever I find myself holding my breath, it's because I'm worrying about someone else. Someone who has standards I might not meet, or someone who is going to judge me, or someone who will get upset. With a husband, two small kiddos, and a dog, it's pretty fair to say that someone or other is getting upset with me pretty frequently! I had this thought, and then I took a deep breath. There it was, a cool drink for my mind.

Somehow, I believe that holding onto tension will be a consolation to those judging, upset people. If I can't meet their expectations, so goes my thinking, I can at least show them how hard I'm trying! In this way, just taking that deep breath felt a little rebellious. I felt like I was slacking off somehow, or not being serious about my commitments. Silly, huh? Taking a deep breath wasn't going to change how fast the cashier scanned merchandise, after all.

As I drove home, I imagined all of this invisible pressure coming at my body from the outside. This is a chronic part of motherhood, and it really feels crushing at times. But then I imagined my breath as counter-pressure, a force that pushes back and holds all of that external pressure at bay, then dissipates it. The way to not collapse is to create that space inside of myself, by breathing in that cool drink. Suddenly breath has become prayer!

I had thought earlier that it's your business if you breathe. But that's not really true. I guarantee that, if you start to become more mindful and present, other folks will notice, even if they can't articulate what's different. In fact, I find that the more calm and centered I learn to be, especially in stressful situations, the more people gravitate toward me. And the whole reason why I get so stressed is because people depend upon me! Saying "no", being very decisive about commitments, taking time for self-care, and above all, remembering to breathe are my essential survival tools for being who I want to be in my life.

God is Here, Right Now

My husband got a fancy new phone. No, it's not an iPhone, but it's still plenty cool. He was lost in it for days. He kept eating and sleeping, but his awake state was consumed by the phone. It has a cool keyboard that slides out, it can access the Internet, it takes photos, so many cool features.

The one I like the best has to do with the Internet. If you're into such gadgetry, you've probably seen this before, but I live under a mommy rock, so it's new to me. This phone is always scanning for wireless networks. We were driving home from somewhere one evening, and the husband allowed me, briefly, to hold his new phone. Suddenly words popped up on the screen: "detecting wireless network scooty1." Or whatever. Then we'd drive a little further and those words would disappear, only to be replaced with some other words about a new wireless network we were in range of.

"Can this phone tell when God is here?" I excitedly asked my husband, who looked at me quizzically. "Because I can't see a wireless network, and I can't see God. If your phone can tell you when a network is here, can it tell me when God is here?" "No wait," I said. "This phone can't do that, but maybe the gPhone could. Definitely not the iPhone." I chuckled to myself as I pondered this (to me, anyway) brilliant idea.

My desktop computer has a marquee screensaver where you can type in words that scroll across the screen when you aren't using it. I'm going to make it say, "God is here, right now." I wonder if it will make me pay attention more.